A Reel Review: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES

Director Rob Marshall, a former Oscar-winner and current turkey-maker, is handed a heavy command in the form of Disney’s fourth entry in their monster-money-making PIRATES OF THE CARIBEAN franchise. In ON STRANGER TIDES, Marshall crams an uncountable number of (undeveloped) characters into a simple quest; a quest that is dry and devoid of any sort of connection to the heartstrings. Marshall manages the fun and laughs well, but never bothers to add meat to the bone.

After escaping the gallows in London, Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp), falls into a quest for the Fountain of Youth, led by his old love interest Angelica (Penelope Cruz), who is looking to save years for her father, famed pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane). Joining the hunt is Sparrow’s old rival Barbossa (Geoffery Rush), who is now employed by King George, while Phillip (Sam Claflin), a missionary, finds romance in the form the mermaid Syrena (Astrid Berges-Frisbey), who holds the tears necessary to unlock the powers of the Fountain.

So the quest that all our characters must undertake is for the Fountain of Youth. Great MacGuffin, but what’s bothersome is that the audience is given no reason to care whether or not anyone finds the damn thing. Each character gives their reasons (courtesy of a ton of dull and unwitty dialogue), but these reasons are self-centered and emotionless. The attempt to add some heart into the mix comes by way of a man-loves-mermaid subplot, but both characters are so underwritten, the attempt feels more like an intrusion.

Marshall’s shortcomings as an action director are present throughout. Clearly not knowing what to do in a swordfight, Marshall avoids any wide-shots and just goes for the tits-up medium shot on the players. Artistic-license aside, it’s boring and dull. There is no scope and grandiose to be seen, nor is there any dread or danger to drop any jaws. The real-world, authentic grubbiness of the previous films is gone, as is any sort of signature special effects TIDES’ predecessors had; there are no sword-fighting skeletons, sea monsters, or crustacean-faced villains to wow or be afraid of. The familiar score is present throughout (and a tad overused), and seems to lack a new, signature theme significant to the film.

Performances are fair across the sea; with McShane, Cruz, and Rush hamming up their roles. Depp’s Captain Jack seems to get lost in the vast ocean of characters, and he seems to know it. While he does get the best lines and moments, Depp seems uninspired to charm and woo with a wink and a smile, as he once did so effortlessly. Sadly, Captain Jack is simply there to fill space and time, as are the rest of the characters.

TIDES is a film that talks a lot but doesn’t say much; it is a collection of so-so moments held together by the weakest of threads. The finale wraps things up almost too tight and neat; at the very end, it doesn’t feel like a whole lot happened, and that’s just it: there are no memorable moments, no timeless quotes to put in your back pocket, and no iconic images or memories to take home with you.

BOTTOM LINE: Rent it