GI JOE: RETALIATION serves as both a sequel to GI JOE: THE
RISE OF COBRA (2009), and as a reboot to the overall franchise. By disposing of
most of the original cast (off camera), RETALIATION starts anew while taking a
few points ahead which were left over from the conclusion of the first film.
All the pieces were in place for director Jon M. Chu to capitalize on.
Cobra’s master of disguise Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) is posing
as the President of the United States. In an effort to move Cobra’s master-plan
forward, he orders a strike upon the GI Joes and frames them for an
assassination plot. The strike leaves only four Joe’s alive; Roadblock (Dwayne
Johnson), Flint (D.J. Cotrona) Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), and Snake Eyes
(Ray Park).
GI JOE: RETALIATION starts off strong, as the Joe’s are left
without a unit and without a country. The basis was there for a decent
revenge-for-honor plot, but as the film gets deeper into Cobra’s plot to rule
the world, things get messy. The villainous scheme to take over the world, or perhaps destroy it completely (never made
clear…there’s problem number one) doesn’t take any sort of shape and doesn’t
make any sense in terms of real life, or worse, the good of the movie. With
nothing but idiocy about for the heroes to fight against, RETALIATION quickly
becomes a bore. Characters exist as placeholders just to shoot guns, and the
action-scenes exist only to fill time. On top of it all, the main villain (antagonist)
of the film is barely on screen at all…he is simply behind the scenes for
nearly the entire film and is often forgotten about.
While director Jon M. Chu is pissing all over his story, he
still makes time to craft a shitty-looking movie. Action scenes are poorly
assembled; cuts come way too fast which takes away from any sort of sense of
geography and makes it impossible to see what is going on and who is where.
Scenes which are supposed to induce tension drag on for way too long with no
sense of dead, energy, or pending doom. The film just doesn’t have a heartbeat
and it’s easy to lose interest even during the loudest of scenes. Perhaps the
best example of the shit-job here is when the filmmakers use the same exact
sound-effect for a ninja-fight as they do for a jumping tank. Just imagine if STAR
WARS used the same sound for lightsabers and Vader’s breathing. It’s stupid and
lazy.
You know the acting is bad when the best performance comes
from the actor playing a mute; Ray Park’s Snake Eyes is once again a joy to
watch, even though the character feels underused. Dwayne Johnson suddenly
becomes boring, and the others can’t even bring themselves to ham it up just a
little. And don’t be fooled by Bruce Willis’ dominant figure in the poster. He
is nothing more than a glorified cameo and his acting is as dull as the top of
his head.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about the film is that
the pieces and parts look like they
would be fun and interesting; characters look right at home in their military
garb and the souped-up military hardware in the form of vehicles and weapons
certainly look badass and intimidating. However, all of these things are
underutilized and never make it past their first appearance. This movie needs
to be treated like a bad case of the shits: flush it down the toilet and
pretend it never happened.
BOTTOM LINE: Fuck it