A Reel Review - GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE

After ten years and four movies, the Warner Bros.-produced MonsterVerse series of connected films have yet to come within a Kong fart of their potential. Yes, they delivered good monster-fights here and there (or sometimes not at all), but every movie has been bogged down by endless streams of paper-thin cliché characters, and overcomplicated dumb plotting. For their fifth try at it, GODZILLA X KONG: THE NEW EMPIRE, the pressure is on for someone, anyone to finally learn a lesson or two from the past. 

 

Set after the events of GODZILLA VS. KONG (2021), Godzilla is roaming the Earth battling rampaging titans, while Kong is back in Hollow Earth (beneath the surface), fighting everything he sees. When a strange series of signals from Hollow Earth begins driving Godzilla crazy, Dr Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall), heads to Hollow Earth to investigate, with her Skull Island stepdaughter (Kaylee Hottle), a titan-doctor (Dan Stevens), and a conspiracy podcaster (Brian Tyree Henry). 

 

Directed by Adam Wingard, GODZILLA X KONG is mostly spread out over three fronts; the team of scientists looking for the phantom signal, Kong doing the same, and Godzilla stomping around the surface. While the scientists bumble around the underground jungle, Kong crosses paths with an adolescent ape and befriends him, while Godzilla goes into a video-game side-quest, defeating powerful titans and collecting their energy in preparation for a fight. 

 

The hook of the film is there is a coming threat on its way from beneath our feet, and the three storylines must come together to defeat it. Much like the previous films, it’s a simple yet serviceable plot, which is once again bogged down by sloppy storytelling. Things come off as too complicated, and human characters are reduced to just blurting out exposition. The giant monster fights are there, and most are fairly fun, but there’s not much behind the spectacle and are instantly forgettable. 

 

Despite having top billing, Godzilla’s involvement amounts to an extended cameo (again), and Kong gets most of the screentime. Kong’s storyline is the best part of the film; as the aging giant ape has many, long scenes without dialogue in his adventures and encounters. Kong gets the best scenes and best moments; a battle where he uses a smaller ape as a club is a hoot. 

 

Like the previous films, GODZILLA X KONG doesn’t care much about logic. Characters cover great distances in seconds (distances that previously took half the movie), things change when the plot demands it (their ship was wrecked, but magically comes back when needed), and the script is packed with easy outs for the characters (Kong is hurt, oh we have this device buried right here the whole time to help). It all has a make-it-up-as-we-go feel to it. CGI isn’t great, but not quite awful either. The human actors are suspiciously absent from most of the monster effects, and they often feel like they’re in a different movie. 

 

Acting is all over the place. Rebecca Hall does her best to make good on a weak script. Dan Stevens is presented as a David Lee Roth rip-off and it’s laughable. Brian Tyree Henry gets some funny lines but is baggage. Kaylee Hottle, a deaf actress, is excellent. 

 

After a big noisy final battle, GODZILLA X KONG wraps up quick and doesn’t spend a second coming down from the fight; almost as if they knew we couldn’t wait for it to end. In the bigger picture, if this was the event we have been waiting ten years and four movies for, it doesn’t come close to being worth the build and wait. The whiff of a Kong fart has yet to be found. 

 

BOTTOM LINE: Fuck it