A Reel Review: BORDERLANDS

For years, movies based on video games were stuck in the dark ages; no one could seem to crack the code to adapt them for the screen and it was flop after flop and bomb after bomb. Then things started to brighten, with hits such as SILENT HILL (2006), and perhaps a peak with THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE (2023). This year, we turn to BORDERLANDS, the popular first-person shooter-looter set in a space western universe. 

 

Lilith (Cate Blanchett), is a bounty hunter who is hired by Atlas (Edgar Ramirez), to travel to the savage and lawless planet of Pandora to rescue his daughter Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt), who holds the key to an ancient, hidden vault where the unlimited powers of a lost civilization are kept.

 

Directed by Eli Roth, BORDERLANDS moves into the familiar territory of a bunch of misfits coming together to achieve a common goal. Lilith teams up with Roland (Kevin Hart), a mercenary gone rogue, Krieg (Florian Munteanu), a muscular half-brain thug, Dr. Tannis (Jamie Lee Curtis), who has been searching for the Vault, and Claptrap (voiced by Jack Black), a wise-cracking robot. Together, they set out to find the vault before Atlas does, who wants the power to create weapons. 

 

What seems simple enough becomes convoluted and messy right quick. Plot holes are everywhere (they don’t want Atlas to find the vault, they know he’s tracking them, so they lead him right to it anyway), the world-building is lazy (the various groups are presented rapid-fire with no context or backstory), and every character is a thin cliché with zero development. There is nothing to care about and impossible to grasp who is doing what for why. 

 

Action sequences are dull and inspired, gunfire is redundant (and no one runs out of ammo), and the jokes land with a thud. Visual effects are very good and, in some places, it’s hard to tell what is CGI and what is practical. But like many lazy sci-fi movies, characters dress weird for absolutely no reason. 

 

Cate Blanchett is the standout amongst the cast, but like everyone else, has nothing of substance to work with. Ariana Greenblatt is excellent, and Jamie Lee Curtis seems to be sleepwalking. Kevin Hart is completely out of place as a rogue soldier; sometimes the funny guys should be allowed to be funny. Gina Gershon shows up as a madam and acts like a Looney Tunes character. 

 

Another big strike against BORDERLANDS is that it is horribly predictable. A supposed big twist towards the end is telegraphed early, and the big reveal is a snore. BORDERLANDS is so half-baked it feels like pieces of the movie are missing, or it was shot on a rough draft of the script…but no recut is going to save it (let’s not go there). This one sets the video game movie back into the dark ages. Maybe even the stone ages. Or the shit ages. 

 

BOTTOM LINE: Fuck it