A Reel Opinion: The Top 10 Biggest Cinematic Disappointments of the Millennium

There is little doubt that the last 11 or 12 months have been very disappointing for those of us who love the silver screen. A pandemic that was left unchecked has led to our beloved movie theatres shuttered, some perhaps for good. Movies that have been released have gone scatter-shot to god-knows-what streaming service, making for a full year of a cinematic letdown. It almost seems like a perfect cap to the last 20 years, as this millennium has certainly produced more than one soul-crushing disappointment; movies that we dearly looked forward to and were let down. With that, comes Reel Speak’s Top 10 Biggest Disappointments of the Millennium. 

 

Although we have been treated to many great films in the last 20 years, there have been many heartbreakers in that same amount of time. Why so many? Franchises are the first stop; with superhero films taking priority and their sheer number dominating everything. Many sequels and prequels have fallen short, as the X-MEN franchise found out, and Warner Brothers has been stumbling all over the place in their attempts to build a franchise on the DC Comics brand. Outside of the masks and capes, even the most artful of filmmakers have let us down. Martin Scorsese gave us the well-intentioned yet unfocused and bizarre HUGO (2011), Oliver Stone brought in the epic yet messy ALEXANDER (2004), Peter Jackson came up woefully short with his HOBBIT trilogy, Steven Spielberg has been all over the map (we’ll get to him later), and who knows what Tim Burton keeps trying to do.  

 

Which ones have been the most disappointing? The films that never met our expectations are a fair start; even if our expectations were too high, we still at least expect a good movie. Sequels and prequels that fail to live up to the standard set by their predecessors definitely fit the bill…even if we judge them by their own merits. The biggest disappointments are the ones that simply did not add up to their parts; the ones that should have, and could have been better than what they were. 

 

So prepare to have your soul crushed again…

 

 

 

10. TOY STORY 4 (2019)

After the absolute perfect ending that was graced upon us by TOY STORY 3 (2010), there seemed no need to continue more toy stories with Woody and Buzz. After the outrageous ending of TOY STORY 4, there was reason to feel ripped off. The fourth film in the beloved franchise that has become a cultural icon wrapped the story of Woody and Buzz in an unsatisfying way that contradicted the perfection of TOY STORY 3 and the characters themselves. We knew there was no need for this movie to exist, but we put our faith in Pixar, and they ripped that faith into pieces. 

 

9. INHERENT VICE (2014)

Joaquin Phoenix plays a private eye who gets mixed up in three intertwined cases. Reel Speak gave this film a favorable review in 2014, and this Blogger stands by it, but this has become the one film in Paul Thomas Anderson’s impressive filmography that is tough to revisit. Based on the dense novel by Thomas Pynchon, it is by no means a terrible movie, but the plot is tough to follow, and not even the characters seem to know what is going on. After the high standards that Anderson set for himself with his consecutive masterpieces THERE WILL BE BLOOD (2007) and THE MASTER (2012), we expected better than this. 

 

8. MAN OF STEEL (2013)

After a seven-year absence from the big screen, audiences were ready to welcome Superman back, but what we got was not the Superman we were used to. Directed by Zack Snyder and produced by Christopher Nolan, this Superman was far from the flag-waving boy scout, and was instead a mopey miserable shit. Even if audiences got past that (most didn’t), the last half-hour of the film was a convoluted assault of CGI noise that was redundant to the point of nausea. What broke most expectations were the masterful trailers that were released in the buildup towards release…some of the best we’ve seen in this millennium. There have been worse movies based on DC Comics, but this one set a low bar that the franchise has yet to recover from. 

 

7. X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (2009)

Speaking of masterful trailers, the first trailer for this X-MEN prequel had audiences primed and ready for Hugh Jackman to return as The Wolverine. The X-MEN franchise ignited the current age of cinematic superheroes in 2000, and then delivered the fantastic X2 in 2002. The third film in 2006 was a disappointment, but hopes were high for Jackman in his first solo outing as the clawed, self-healing mutant to right the ship. Unfortunately, we got a ridiculous CGI mess where famous comic characters were treated like crap. The term “cartoonish” often gets used when describing bad CGI, but in this instance, there was no other word to describe it…with Wolvie’s claws looking like he fell out of a ROGER RABBIT movie. 

 

6. WARCRAFT (2016)

A war film can be many things; bloody, horrible, inspirational, and even funny…but one thing it can never be is dull. Based on the popular long-running fantasy video game series involving wizards, elves, and orcs, WARCRAFT was not only dreadfully boring, but overcomplicated with no energy or sense of fun. The casting choices were also bizarre; with actors who were way too young to be playing wizards and kings looking like they were in a high school production. 

 

5. SPIDER-MAN 3 (2007)

X-MEN may have started the cinematic superhero engine in 2000, but it was Sam Raimi’s two SPIDER-MAN films in 2002 and 2004 that kicked it into high gear. The second film was fantastic (still considered to be one of the best of the genre today), and expectations were high for a third outing with everyone’s favorite neighborhood web-slinger. But thanks to meddling from parent studio Sony Pictures, and maybe fatigue from Raimi and his cast, SPIDER-MAN 3 suffered from one too many villains and some ridiculous set-pieces. 

 

4. THE BIRTH OF A NATION (2016)

The idea behind Nate Parker’s slave-era drama wasn’t just to tell the true story of an 1831 slave rebellion, but to reclaim the iconic title from the 1915 racially-insensitive film where the KKK are the heroes. The new version was hyped as an Oscar favorite (it won nothing), and a future American classic (it wasn’t). What we got instead was a shockingly bad film that looked like it was cobbled together by amateurs; choppy editing, incomplete scenes, and an overall bland presentation. And it’s biggest failure was that it drew even more attention to the 1915 film. 

 

3. THE EXPENDABLES (2010)

Nostalgia-driven movies have been very popular in the last decade, and the idea of bringing together some of the most legendary action-heroes of the action-heavy 1980’s was very exciting. Sylvester Stallone directed and brought in Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, and Arnold Schwarzenegger...among others. But the production couldn’t seem to get everyone on set at the same time, and most of the screen-time was spent on the next-generation of action stars…which was not what we were promised. The action was dumb even for 1980’s standards, and by the time we got to the gawd-awful piece of stinking monkey-shit THE EXPENDABLES 3 (2014), the bar had been set lower than mud. 

 

2. PROMETHEUS (2012)

In 1979, director Ridley Scott delivered one of best horror films of all time, ALIENS. This 2012 film attempted to bring the creation of the famous xenomorph creature to the screen; backed by a Biblical-like story that spanned thousands of years and messed with the origins of mankind. Grand ideas are at play, but the execution was clumsy and stupid. Characters do things that make no sense, and the film’s own logic and rules are ignored because the script just has to get from place to place. Not only disappointing because Sir Ridley was behind the wheel, but also because the film’s gorgeous look was wasted. 

 

1. INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (2008)

Indiana Jones. We always knew that he would come walking back through our door. Seeing the man in the hat with the bullwhip return, along with creators Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, was one of the most exciting prospects of the millennium. The return of our favorite swashbuckling archeologist (reprised by Harrison Ford), for the first time since 1989 was hyped by an excellent trailer, and hopes were high. And then the movie started. The film was dragged down by lousy CGI, idiotic happenings, and a plotline of Indy chasing aliens that just didn’t sit right. Even if we get past all that, the fatal flaw of CRYSTAL SKULL can be found in its script. Doctor Jones, as a character of the innocent 1950’s, has no idea that he’s chasing aliens, but modern audiences understood that right away…which means we were all just sitting around waiting for dumbass Indy to catch up. No mystery, no intrigue, no fun.  CRYSTAL SKULL crushed our souls, which is the last thing we ever want from our beloved Indiana Jones.

Reel Speak's Top 10 Biggest Cinematic Disappointments of the Millennium 

1. INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
2. PROMETHEUS
3. THE EXPENDABLES
4. THE BIRTH OF A NATION
5. SPIDER-MAN 3
6. WARCRAFT
7. X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE
8. MAN OF STEEL
9. INHERENT VICE
10. TOY STORY 4

Special thanks to Jim Catizone, friend of the Blog, for suggesting this topic.