A Reel Opinion: The Best & Worst Films of 2017 - Part 1

The worst part of 2017 cinema happened off the screens, as the dark side of Hollywood and the industry as a whole was exposed to the world. Men in powerful positions, behaving badly or like children, were revealed to have been committing atrocities against women and children for decades, and although it is a good thing that they have finally been outed, it’s a shame that it took so long for it to come to light. 2017 may have given movies a black eye, but women in cinema and everywhere else will emerge the better for it.

Other bad news to come out in 2017 film was the passing of industry favorites such as Jim Nabors, Della Reese, Robert Guillaume, Bernie Casey, Frank Vincent, Tobe Hooper, Jerry Lewis, Sonny Landham, Robert Hardy, Sam Shepard, John Heard, George Romero, John G. Avildsen, Adam West, Powers Boothe, Michael Parks, Roger Moore, Jonathan Demme, Erin Moran, Don Rickles, Bill Paxton, Richard Hatch, John Hurt, Martin Landau, and William Peter Blatty.

Back on the screen, this Blogger was a little more selective in choosing films to review, with almost 50 films in the theatre, down from the usual 60-something average. Avoided were critically drubbed stinkbombs such as THE EMOJI MOVIE, THE MUMMY, FLATLINERS, THE SHACK, or anything made by Adam Sandler or Tyler Perry. Out of nearly 50, this Blogger can only come up with five that should have, and could have been better than what they were. But oddly enough, all five of these films have one thing in common (besides stinking); none of them should have ever been made.

This is what happens…

5. THE DARK TOWER – Even if we ignore the fact that author Stephen King’s massive eight-volume story was condensed down to a 95-minute movie, this lame adaptation was still a wasted opportunity. Excellent actors such as Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughy were way too good for this movie, which looked like a cheap knockoff that even the SyFy channel wouldn’t touch. It was rushed, bland, predictable, and not nearly as epic as it told us it was. And the biggest sin of all is that it was boring; which is something that a fantasy film should never be.

4. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES – Every movie should be judged as if no other movies exist; that is, on its own merits and faults seen on the screen. But, for franchise movies we have to consider consistency, and that’s where this fifth entry in the PIRATES series runs aground. One has to wonder if the filmmakers here ever saw any of the PIRATES films, because they literally throw out every major rule and plot point that was so well established before. It’s a break in continuity done for the sake of a sequel which accomplishes very little. Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow had his moments, but not nearly enough to save this sinking ship.

3. ALIEN: COVENANT -  Ridley Scott continues to muck up his once famed franchise that he started back in 1979. COVENANT had the job of mopping up the sloppy loose ends that were left out there by its predecessor, PROMETHEUS in 2012. That was done all right, but once it was, there was no movie to be found as characters had little to do but make dumb decisions and stand around to get killed. Worse, the mythos behind the famed alien creature and its creators became dumber and weaker. And it’s still not finished with even more loose ends punted down the road.

2. CALL ME BY YOUR NAME – Critics have been drooling all over this remorseless slog all year, all while ignoring the glaring issue of a grown American man travelling to Italy and having a sexually-charged love affair with a 17-year-old boy. Even if we buy into the idea, the American (played by Armie Hammer), is given zero backstory to justify his fascination with young boys, and worse, the kid’s parents actually endorse it. There are no ramifications or consequences for their dubious affair, and in a year where Hollywood is constantly being accused of pedophilia, it is mind-boggling that a film would be finding ways to justify it. It also had zero climax or buildup in character and plot, and pacing that made it seem 900 hours long. Everything about this was wrong.

1. JIGSAW – No one expected very much from the 8^th entry in the SAW horror series which should have ended after the first film, and released seven years after the supposed finale in 2010. This pile of nonsense steals from one of its predecessors with some time manipulation that could be seen from a mile away, and continued to mess up the backstory of the famous Jigsaw killer with more useless flashback. The traps were ridiculous and well beyond the suspension of disbelief, and the acting awful. But the dealbreaker is that it commits the worst sin of all for a horror movie; it wasn’t scary. At all. That’s requirement number one for any horror film, and a failure to do so is reason enough alone to earn a spot as the worst of the year.

The Worst Films of 2017 

1. JIGSAW
2. CALL ME BY YOUR NAME
3. ALIEN: COVENANT
4. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES
5. THE DARK TOWER

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Read the Best of 2017 HERE