Filmmaking is a hard job. With so many hands in the soup it’s a miracle any film makes it to the big screen, and thousands of people work their best (we hope) to make that miracle happen. Careers and livelihoods depend on that work, and any effort on the big screen deserves credit. But those efforts can still range from good, glorious, and bad…and this first part of Reel Speak’s annual Best & Worst blog will take a look at the worst of 2019; the movies that should have been better than what we got.
As with every year, the worst of 2019 was saying goodbye to celebrated actresses, actors, and filmmakers. In this past year we said farewell and adieu to Albert Finney, Michael J. Pollard, Rutger Hauer, Doris Day, Sid Haig, Danny Aiello, John Witherspoon, Rip Torn, Tim Conway, Peter Mayhew, Sue Lyon, Robert Forster, Freddie Jones, Jan Michael Vincent, Carol Channing, Diahann Carroll, and director John Singleton.
Back on the screen, the domestic box office was down 4% from the previous year, but still finished as the second biggest in history (figure that one out). Disney seemed to be the only studio capable of making a blockbuster that worked with critics, audiences, and ticket sales, with the house that Walt built owning eight (!) of the top 10 earners. But before we start screaming “monopoly” at Disney, it’s fair to point out that competing studios such as Sony, Fox, and Warner Bros. had more than one chance to cut into that top 10, and they blew it with their half-ass movies.
And speaking of half-ass movies, here we go with the Worst Films of 2019…
10. TOY STORY 4
This may come as a shock, as Reel Speak gave this a recommendation back in June, but the longer this Blogger thinks about the way Pixar ended things with Woody and Buzz and their beloved gang, the worse it gets. Back in 2010, the most-excellent TOY STORY 3 ended things perfectly for the gang of toys and their owner Andy, so another sequel really needed to justify its existence. Their answer was to break up the gang for good, and send our hero Woody into the land of lost toys. This was a move that went against everything our good sheriff had been believing in for years, and exactly what Andy didn’t want to happen to the toys he loved. It’s a shame as the film was a delight before it ended stupidly. Long-time Pixar fans would be better off ending their marathons at TOY STORY 3.
9. X-MEN: DARK PHOENIX
Fox’s final film before losing control of the once famed X-MEN franchise went out with a whimper. The film went through a lot of turmoil behind the scenes, including late re-shoots and it showed. Character drama was thin, the action sequences were boring (a sin for a superhero movie), and the editing was a chop-job…making it obvious that most of the cast was not on the set at the same time. One big ball of blah.
8. GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS
The newest film in the “rejuvenated” GODZILLA franchise had one of the laziest screenplays of the year, which had scene after scene of one single character being the only person who knew how to solve a crisis. It was lazy and uninspired, and basically sank what was promised to be a return to form for GODZILLA. The film was overloaded with too many characters, and the battles between the monsters once again took place in the dark; cheating audiences of seeing what they came for.
7. CHILD’S PLAY
This reboot of the 30-year-old slasher-doll series had some neat ideas on how to update Chucky for this new, technology-heavy era, but it all came down to one problem: it wasn’t scary. At all. Not one bit. And for a horror movie, that is a serious problem and the only problem.
6. HELLBOY
Audiences rejected this reboot of the popular comic character mostly on principle; as it was ignoring and wiping out the two beloved films by Guillermo del Toro (2004 and 2008). Those who stayed home were the smart ones, as the ones who did show up were witness to an over-complicated plot with a redundant structure of talk-talk-talk and fight-fight-fight. Many scenes are pointless, characters act without explanation, and the things that do get explained are contradicted within minutes. A complete unholy mess.
5. GEMINI MAN
Oscar winning director Ang Lee helmed this oddball with a CGI version of Will Smith, which only looked good when the thing was in a dark room. Once the lights were on, ugh. Visual effects aside, this film was sunk by a lazy script; every crisis that the characters found themselves in was resolved by a phone call. No stakes, no tension, no drama…no nothing.
4. MEN IN BLACK: INTERNATIONAL
Speaking of Will Smith, the popular actor was wise to steer clear of this soft reboot of the alien-battling franchise that he started over 20 years ago. Set in the same continuity of the Smith-verse, this MIB adventure suffered from an undefined script; it lacked a stepping-off point where the story actually began, and it meandered from scene to scene looking for something to do. The jokes landed with a thud, the action sequences dull, CGI terrible, a late twist that makes no sense, and despite being an extended sequel…contradicts what was established in the first film.
3. TERMINATOR: DARK FATE
A lot of promises were made going into this much-hyped TERMINATOR sequel, which had series creator James Cameron returning as a producer. They told us it would right the ship (it didn’t), and as a direct sequel to TERMINATOR 2 (1991) and ignoring all the other sequels, that the franchise would take a new direction (it didn’t). Instead, it wound up in the same place the third film finished at. On its own, DARK FATE had lousy CGI, and despite wanting to establish new continuity, borrows (steals) elements from every single TERMINATOR film ever made. Lazy, un-inspired, and very stupid. This and the new Rambo film, LAST BLOOD, are prime examples of 30-year-old franchises that just need to end.
2. CATS
The most bizarre, nightmare-inducing film of the year if not the decade. Celebrated director Tom Hooper helmed this adaptation of the loved-and-hated Broadway play which did not resemble a movie at all. It had no story structure whatsoever and merely went from song to song going nowhere. The CGI was not only bad but grotesque (dancing cockroaches with children’s faces, for starters), and the design of the cats was inconsistent and made no sense. A loaded litter box doesn’t stink as much as this movie.
1. THE KITCHEN
Actress Melissa McCarthy is carving a career very similar to Adam Sandler; for every good movie she makes (BRIDESMAIDS, ST. VINCENT), she follows it up with a giant turd (GHOSTBUSTERS, HAPPYTIME MURDERS)…and now we can add THE KITCHEN to that list. Based on the Vertigo comic book series, the half-ass script jumps from one place to another too quickly, and is overloaded with F-bombs trying to sound tough. Characters are inconsistent as they say one thing and do another, and they are developed as lousy people with little context so it is impossible to care about them. Editing is choppy, and characters treat the audience like idiots by blurting out what they’re about to do every five seconds. A late twist is seen coming a mile away, and the ending is dumber than the whole of the movie. No movie summed up the laziness and dysfunction of 2019’s Worst than THE KITCHEN.
REEL SPEAK'S WORST FILMS OF 2019
- THE KITCHEN
- CATS
- TERMINATOR: DARK FATE
- MEN IN BLACK: INTERNATIONAL
- GEMINI MAN
- HELLBOY
- CHILD'S PLAY
- GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS
- X-MEN: DARK PHOENIX
- TOY STORY 4
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Read Reel Speak's Best of 2019
HERE
