A Reel Review: THE LAST STAND

There are two ways in which one can look at THE LAST STAND; Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first leading-role in nearly a decade. The first way is how it holds up as an Arnold Film; with his classic quips and plenty of action. The second is how it fares as an actual movie, which of course, is what really matters. 

Ray Owens (Schwarzenegger) is “da sheriff” in a sleepy town on the Mexican border. When a drug kingpin (Eduardo Noriega) escapes the FBI (led by Forest Whitaker) with the help of his right-hand man (Peter Stormare) and heads for the border, Owens rallies his rag-tag group of knucklehead deputies (Luis Guzman, Johnny Knoxville, Jaimie Alexander, Zach Gilford) to seal off the town and prevent his escape. 

THE LAST STAND works as a Schwarzenegger vehicle for exactly one-half of the film. Arnold gets to fire big guns, fist-fight, rip-off some great one-liners and look cool standing against the horizon. The cleverest thing about the film is that the entire script seems to be a statement on his career as it stands at this point. Owens is a character who once tackled the world with the enthusiasm and zeal of a young man, but is now taking things easy and is very much aware of his age and limitations…which is exactly how Arnold is now in his life. Between that interesting parallel and the standard quips  you expect from an Arnold film (except for one particular line), THE LAST STAND rears some great potential. 

Unfortunately, director Jee-woon Kim doesn’t keep the momentum going whenever he finds it. The film veers away from Arnold for long stretches of time; often putting the big guy and his never-ending charisma on the backburner while attention is given to useless and boring subplots involving the minor characters which no one ever cares about. Character development only happens whenever a character stands there and literally tells us about themselves (weak), and the main threat of the villain is never really felt. 

The action sequences range from pretty good to outrageously over the top. Blood is splattered in gallons and plenty of bodies are blown all over the place. As much we see of it, however, it feels very un-inspired and often grows tedious. 

Acting is ho-hum throughout. Arnold gives us exactly, if not a little less than what we’ve seen of him for the past three decades. He’s still very much a charmer, but seems to struggle more than usual with the comedy. He’s at his best when he’s paired with his natural sidekick in the form of Johnny Knoxville’s bug-nuts character, but the film never bothers to put the two together enough for it to be very effective. 

As an Arnold Schwarzenegger film, it easily ranks around the lower-tier of his extensive film credits. As an overall movie, the script is messy and relies on cliché too much. It comes off as dumb and boring, and no amount of Giant Movie Star can save it. 

BOTTOM LINE: Fuck it